Those of us in the publishing industry (and those of us who just live life every day) have to deal with rejection. Yes, my writer friends, agents and editors face rejection just as regularly as you do. (See my previous post “Editors Are People Too.”) So I thought it would be good to talk about the elephant in the room and deal with it head on. Many times we overcome the fear of rejection and walk right in with our ideas, but what we don’t get rid of is the residue of rejection on the way out—the bitterness or low self-worth that is left over from the rejection.
If you don’t handle rejection properly, your filter can get clogged. Before you know it, you become jaded, cynical, frighteningly sarcastic (which can be a symptom of anger and passive aggression), fearful, apathetic, and even desperate toward the next opportunity presenting itself. This is when you’ve turned the residue of rejection into self-sabotage.
So here are ten ways I think you can completely filter out the negative residue of rejection to find yourself coming out on top.
Allow yourself to feel disappointed or let down. We’re humans, and we have emotions. It’s OK to feel sad about something, but don’t stay there.
Pick yourself up, and then begin to release the party from what you feel they may have done to you. In other words, forgive them for hurting your feelings, being nonresponsive, brushing you off… Whatever it was, let…it…go! They have moved on to the next person’s idea. You should move on to the next opportunity as well, starting again with high hopes and expectation. No, for real, let it go until you don’t have negative feelings toward that party at all, until all you talk about is how good the experience was for you. You know you have released it completely when you think back on the situation and see positivity and your heart is filled with grace and understanding.
Now as objectively as possible, review some of the comments given to you by the party that rejected you. Filter out the fat and keep the meat. Was there any truth to what was said?
Put yourself in their shoes. Do they receive a high volume of ideas or applicants and have to make difficult decisions on a regular basis? How would you like someone to present something to you?
Armed with this perspective, ask yourself what you could have done better or differently. Don’t play the victim. Could you have done more research or preparation, gotten better rest the night before, or displayed a sunnier disposition? Should you have given yourself more time to hone your skill or broaden your knowledge base? Should you have gotten feedback from a critique or accountability group first? Was it the right time or place to bring your idea?
Make a new plan of action for the next opportunity, including the things you could have done better or differently. Don’t just pick yourself apart. Make sense of your self-critique and take ownership of your destiny. You have the power to change your odds. There’s always room to grow and get better, and had it not been for the rejection you may not have had this chance to take stock of what you’re made of. Rejection strengthens your inner core.
Let yourself be encouraged by a friend or colleague. Call or go out with that friend who encourages and loves you, listens to you, and is honest with you, then tell them about your experience, what you could have done better, and your new plan of action for the next time. Then, listen to them.
Realize that every opportunity is not perfectly suited for you. Have you ever been rejected or passed over for an opportunity, and then later you hear about some scandal at that company or some boss who was impossible to work with? How glad are you then, when you think about how close you were to being accepted? When I don’t get what I go after and I’ve given it my best, I just think to myself, “That must not have been for me.” And I am grateful! You really don’t know all there is to know about a situation, and you have to trust that what is for you, is for you.
Be thankful for your rejection experience and that you have one less thing to make a decision about. I can get indecisive sometimes, so I find relief when something doesn’t work out, because then I actually have less to think about, plan, or work toward. Yes!
Know that it was not you being rejected. You are powerful and full of endless potential. Who really knows what you can do? Now that idea of yours may have come up a little short, but you have more from where that came—and even better.
Those are just some of the ways I keep myself moving forward and thinking positively when something of mine is rejected. I look at rejection as part of success and the climb toward my goals. I also know that when my perspective of rejection is right, I won’t wear it on my sleeve when I interact with others at my next gig.
Can’t you just smell rejection on a person when they’ve let it own them? Not a good scent.
Rejection is what strengthens me and softens my heart to be a hand reaching back to those who are a few rungs behind me.
What are some of the things you do to stay free of rejection residue?